Understanding It
by P.E.E.V.S.Y
Summary: Oneshot about Lily and Petunia. Just has each of them talking about the other one not understanding why they felt the way they did. Should be better than summery.


** Understanding**

Disclaimer: I don't really own anything this time… nothing at all…

You never understood it. I think that's why you hated it. Because you never understood it. All you understood was that I had it, and you didn't it. All you saw was that because of it I got to go away, and you had to stay. I don't think you understood it and all that it meant. I don't think you got it. The way that it changed my life forever, and not necessarily in a good way. All you got was that it was my way out, while you were stuck. I don't think you understood it, how hard it was to go into a world where I knew nothing, where everything I thought I knew was a lie, how hard it was to make new friends. I don't think you understood it.

I don't think you understood how nervous I was. I don't think you understood that it was why I died. I don't think you understood it, and I think that's why you hated it. I think you only saw the good in it. I think you only saw the fairies and magic dust, the unicorns and enchantment. You never saw the dragons, the monsters, and the evil in it. And that was why you hated it.

You thought it was perfect and that it just wasn't fair. You thought that it was better; you never saw that it was the same. You just didn't get it. You thought my life was perfect, you thought I had it all. You never saw how much I lost, how much I'd never have.

You never saw how lucky you were, because you were determined not to get it. You didn't want to understand it, and that was why you hated it. You wanted to wallow in self-pity and hate, you didn't want to see the world I lived in the way it truly was. You wanted to pretend that it was perfect, so you didn't understand it, which is truly why you hated it.

You didn't understand that by hating it, you hated me. That by not understanding it, you grew farther, and farther away. You didn't understand that it was killing you. I just don't think you got it. I still don't think you do. It's not that I'm mad at you, it's that I wish I'd spent more time, showing you how it was; What it was like to have your best friends die while you watched it happen, unable to do anything about it.

I just wished you'd understood it, and all that it meant to me. I just wish you'd at least had tried to, because then you wouldn't hate it. I know that you wouldn't, but you just don't understand it, and that's why you hate it. And, because you hated it, you hated it me, and because you hated me, you hated my son. By hating my son, you made his life miserable, and thus, truly lost me forever.

Even though I'm dead, you needn't have lost me. You could have had me forever; I could have lived on, if you'd just accepted Harry. That was all you had to do, but you didn't, and because of that, I'm gone from your life, and always will be. You had your chance and you lost it. You lost me forever, all because you didn't get it, Petunia, all because you didn't get it.

You just didn't get it, you thought you did, but you didn't. You thought I only saw the good of it; you thought that I just didn't understand. But I did, I always had, and I still do. I get that because of it, you got to leave, and enter a world where no one knew you. You had a fresh start, whereas I didn't. I was stuck. You had a way out.

I know you had to start all over, and make new friends, and relearn everything, but you got to enter a new world! A world full of magic, and fairies and dreams to fulfill… it was everything I'd always dreamed of, and you always laughed at, yet you got to enter it. It just wasn't fair. You'd always gotten everything, and I got nothing. You didn't understand just how lucky you were. _You_ didn't get it.

You didn't understand why I hated it. You thought it was just because I didn't get it. But that's not true. I got it. I got that it was unnatural and everything I'd always wanted yet couldn't have, I understood that you chose your world over mine, thus choosing your new friends over me, your sister. You just don't understand how hard it is for me, that's why I hated it, and in hating it, hating you.

Yes Lily, I know that's why I hated you. I know that I didn't have to, but I did anyway, because it made me feel better, less jealous. You know I hated being jealous, yet that's what I was. So, to stop it, I decided to put all my efforts into hating it, thus hating you, and your kid.

I know I shouldn't have hated Harry, I know that was my one last connection to you, but I hated him anyway. I hated him for everything he represented: Mainly you and your world. I just couldn't help it. By hating him, I made his life miserable, and I think I might be sorry for it... might be…

I'm starting to think I should just move on, and accept your world. I mean, the jealousy, and hurt and anger is wearing off... sorta. I know I can't be a part of it, but I should be grateful that it at least existed, and that I had an opportunity to learn about it through you, and now your son… right? I know you'd want me to, but I've been hating it for a little over 23 years of my life, and I'm not sure I can. It's a hard habit to break, but I'm trying Lil, I'm really trying… at least most of the time.

Maybe, just maybe, when he comes home this summer, and leaves my house for the last time, I'll be able to wish him good-luck for everything that life may bring him… Maybe.

_A/N: Okay, I'm not entirely sure this is all that great and all, but hey, one day I just sat at the computer and started typing… this was the result… (I needed a break from the other story I'm writing) Please tell me what you think and all that other stuff. I know this isn't what I normally I do, but please just tell me what you think… Plus, I'm sorry that it's so short… once again I just sat down and typed._

_-P.E.E.V.S.Y._


End file.
